I want to believe that i have a clear face. I mean i hit puberty in my teens and lived with the zit-life, It wasn’t even that bad for me some of my mates didn’t have regular zits, they were walking with cysts on their faces. Compared to them, i was a normal blooming teenager. I’m in my 30’s now….. One would think i wouldn’t have zits anymore….. I THINK I DON’T HAVE ZITS ANYMORE…….. But when you have a wife who’s past time activity is watching DR. PIMPLE POPPER on TLC, then we have a problem because she spends every waking moment looking for things on my face….. things i believe are non existent.
This basically requires her to pinch my face for hours. while she gets some sort of thrill and maximum relaxation from this horrendous activity, i, on the other hand, suffers a massive amount of pain and gore. And then she has nails…. Dear lord, she has nails. I never knew my face could endure such harassment. All things being equal, I should look like the beast in beauty and the beast by now with all the pummeling my face has received, but we thank God for strong face. I still look like a baby boy.
The other day, i had a refreshingly warm evening bath, i usually don’t like my water too hot (Remind me to ask why my wife loves taking a bath with boiling hot water…. i mean…. is she a chicken?…. oh yeah shes my chick tho…. but i’m not trying to eat her up….. at least not literally….. you know what? lets just allow the hot water thing slide. She’s hot and that’s what is important)
…..errrr….. where was i?….. ah yeah the bath…
So yeah i had this amazing bath, i did it in slow motion of course… have you ever watched a soap ad that happened in real time? NEVER, its always in slow motion…. somewhere at the back of my mind i was singing the ‘joy girl’ song (i’m not a girl, i watched the ad as a kid, it stuck in my brain, there’s nothing anybody can do about it… moving on)…….
After the bath, i ran my towel over my body, looked in the mirror and saw my CLEAR-as-BLUE-SKY face.
“Perfect, just perfect aint no pinching my face tonight” i said to myself. (I don’t think i’m hot, i think i’m just there…. a forgettable face so don’t even bother talking about vanity or narcissism. [damn it, i spelt narcissism right without the use of spell check…. if you know how happy this makes me…. i envy kids that do spelling bees these days….. honestly i cant spell jack anymore.])
i open the bathroom door to get into bed and my wife (who has had a shower earlier) is lying there in bed reading a book ‘Becoming Michelle Obama’. Well, read on Mrs. we gonna have us a calm relaxing restful night with no face disruptions or interruptions in my…….
“unku, you have 13 black heads, 8 cysts, 11 boils and a volcano on your face, come and lie down lemme press”
I looked at her, she did not even look up…..how the hell did….. who told…. where? where????? IS THIS HOW MICHELLE OBAMA BEHAVES???????
I’m in bed, my face is red….. she has slept off with her palm on my face.