The best part about living in Switzerland is that the flag is a big plus.


Okay I admit, I’m not sure what direction this post will go. What I’m sure of though is that you will accept me the way I am.
#NowSinging “I aint no superstar, the spotlight aint shining on me (no no no no no) I aint good enough, but you still love me”
Moving on…. I’m going to try to tell 10 jokes in this rant and I’d add one “Oh my goodness I never knew that” moment in there. Your job is to find the jokes and as a bonus, the “Oh my God I never knew that”. There is no prize. what can I give you that will make you a better person than who you are right now? Except Jesus…..

This will be the last time I ever tell a joke and have to explain to all one million of you. This is one of the reasons why I don’t even talk as much anymore. I stand up in a room and crack a joke and nobody gets it….. they are not booing me….. they know there’s a joke in there somewhere….. its sparking but its not connecting yet…… there’s one guy whose left eye is twitching like his brain cannot comprehend the complexity of the joke…. One guy even had the audacity to say “sorry can you like….say the joke again…. i’m not really getting it”…. HOW WILL YOU GET IT? you dropped out of nursery 2!. How can you be in a comedy bar if you’re not ready to process jokes?
you’re like an alligator at a crocodiles conference, you look like one of us but you’re really a backstabbing, wider U-shaped snout having, non-toothy grin flashing reptile. Nobody likes you. Nobody cares about you.
Coming into the comedy bar like a battery….. Everybody else in here gets included in things…..at least you’re better than kleptomaniacs who take things literally…. but none of all that crap in here. Never go to a comedy bar if you’re not ready to take a good joke.
its not even like it was a complicated joke as such, I didn’t even do the Bruce lee joke….. and its so good…. “What is bruce lee’s favourite drink?”…..”Wataaaaaaaaah”…. See how funny that joke was? I did an even simpler joke. I have more complex ones under my belt like the dyslexic guy that sold his soul to santa and ended having to kill vegetarian vampires with a stake to the heart.

I told a really simple joke, I said “A blind man walks into a bar, and a stool, and a table, and a chair…” That was all….

In other news, I kinda just witnessed a prison break…. a midget had climbed the fence and as he jumped down to the other side, he saw me and sneered at me….. I personally think that’s rather condescending.

Im going home.

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