Look i’m not saying babies are not cute o, don’t get me wrong.
its just that…………
They have no regard for your feelings.
I don’t know when last my wife slept 4 hours straight at night….. yes i try to take over early in the morning for her to sleep but you know that night sleep that is sweet? that one that you wont even know what is happening in the world around you? that one that you can scatter yourself and fart in peace and nobody will complain because…. well…. normal people should be asleep at this time? yeah… that sleep….
My wife hasn’t had that in months.
I’m sure you’re asking “Ah ah you nko?” Well one person has to sleep na.
Just drop it.
So the other day it was my turn.
I took the baby.
I could have left her alone in her cot to play with herself but she’s just too cute.
I said let me just play with her for a bit.
Usually we play the staring game.
This is how it works: She looks at me with eyes piercing mine as if wondering what game we will play today (unknown to her, daddy doesn’t know any other games but the staring game). As she stares, I stare back. Hard. Intense. like “you gonna be washing plate at 6 months, hope you know?”
Anyway, that day’s version of the game was somehow.
She just kept staring, then she winced, then she grunted and farted…… well …. i thought it was a fart….. THEN i felt a hot stream running down my arm unto my work clothes.
I wanted to scream like “WHO DOES THIS???? WHO POOPS ON ANOTHER INDIVIDUAL KNOWING QUITE WELL THE INDIVIDUAL IS READY TO GO TO WORK…. WHO DOES THIS….”
Then i look at her and she does this confused face like “i dunno what just happened….. it wasn’t me” and looks away.
Im like “Oh no you dont, you’re cleaning this poo today”
And she smiles like “Hehehehehe you know you’re on poop duty… get to work you subordinate”
She was right.
i was on poop duty.
I cleaned her up.
What was i supposed to do? leave her in her own poo?
Babies are fun “they said”
MEAN is what they should have said.