So the other day i was feeling hungry so i decided to go to eat out.
I can cook but…. oh well…. Not today.
I called up my nephew Kabiru and was like
“dude, you know any cool places i can have dinner?”
He began to name the usual suspects
“Jevnik, Wakkis, Marcopolo, Sinoni, Charcoal….”
“Been there, done that…. I need somewhere new, Somewhere Exciting, Somewhere different….. Somewhere that has not been done by me or my cohorts”
That was when he went like
“OMG how could i forget? Theres this new place called PAPA’s. Their motto is ‘We treat you just like you’re Family’. You should try it. Ill send you directions”
Happily i entered my car and started driving towards papa’s. I was first greeted by an old man at the gate who just looked at me and said
“Come, you don’t know how to greet?”
Hian, I wanted to start ranting about how customer service in Nigeria was shitty but i realised i was too hungry for that.
“Good evening Sir” i muttered as he swung the gates open.
I was just too damn hungry to be bothered by this old man at the gate.
I walked into the restaurant and indeed it was homely…. i mean literally homely….. Couches, a dining table, a fridge sitting in the corner, children watching cartoon network.
“How realistic” I said to myself, “I could actually Live here” as i sat down at the dining table.
“HEYYYYYYSSSSSSSSSSSSSS, Excuse me…..” A middle aged man shouted at me, as he walked up to the table.
He was dressed as a waiter… i had seen him as i entered…. and was about to call for him for a warm cloth to clean my hands… but he sounded like…. like… HE KNEW ME….
“Oh… Oh…. So you think that because you are now rich, you can now afford to pay N3000 for a plate of food in a fancy restaurant, You will now show up anytime you want? Oh so now you’re now puffed up, because you’re the rich one in the family eh? Jus Negodu”
I was like ……
“Excuse me sir, but ….. do i know you?”
“Haaaa….. EVERYBODY COME AND SEE O” He lamented, while clapping his hands and motioning for the others in the room to come.
” Just because he (pointing at me) has now made small money, he wont call us, he wont send letters, he wont send money for our parents, he wont even visit us so we can know how he’s doing, we are not even talking about inviting us to the big city to see his house… instead he will just show up without calling and start forming that he doesnt know us…. Look brother, We dont need your money again. We have brother Chinedu who sends us money from china” He lamented at the top of his voice.
“HIAN, What the hell is going on here? I don’t even know you people!”
“Ahhhh you my son that sucked on these breasts” A middle aged woman appeared from No where, holding her breasts. She was dressed like a cook, with a hat and apron.
“Oh my God!” I lamented “Im so sorry, but i think there is a mixup somewhere”
The woman broke down and started crying
I moved closer to comfort her
“Im so sorry ma, i think you may be mistaking me with someone else” I said softly
“DONT TOUCH OUR MOTHER, You have already disowned her.. are you trying to kill her also?” The middle aged man barked at me.
“Get out” He screamed “JUST GET THE HELL OUT, WE DONT WANT TO SEE YOUR FACE HERE AGAIN, WE DISOWN YOU.”
He also broke down crying.
“Awww Hell no” i said out loud “This is waaay too much for me to deal with”
I picked up my phone from the table and headed out to my car, as i started reversing. I looked at the restaurant again, and all of them stood at the doorway, The Middle aged man, The middle aged woman, the children, the security man…. and some others i didnt meet…
“THANKS FOR COMING TO PAPAs, where we treat you just like you’re family”
They kept chanting this and waving to me as i drove out of the gate and away from there thinking WHAT THE HELL JUST HAPPENED TO ME?
Oh and about the hunger?
There was no way i was eating anything anymore that night.
I went to bed hungry.