Okay its me again,
The Scratch Brovaman,
back to back,
Back to break backs again….
Yesterday wasnt a bad day, The men are ready.
Now its turn for you ladies.
What not to give him on Valentines day
1, BOXERS AND SINGLET:
Look we are not dumb, we know that you forgot about getting us something, instead you were too anxious about what you were going to get. By the time you remembered you were supposed to get us something it was too late so you ran to the mallam down the road and bought boxers and singlet.
We even know this particular singlet, Why? We priced it last week because you tore the singlet we were wearing untop fight.
Remember what happened that day?
You asked “What are you getting me for vals?”
i said “nothing… Im even thinking we should take a short break to assess our relationship”
You grabbed my singlet and kept pulling it, screaming shit like
“Lai lai, its me you want to break up with before vals day ba? so that i will be the laughing stock of the community at large”
I told you it was a joke but you wouldnt listen, you kept pulling the damn singlet till it had slacked like boiled spaghetti
so i went down to the mallam to buy another one, i priced it, he said it was N2000, i told him No, The guy near my house sells for N1700
he said “If i no dey buy am for market, make i no dey waste my time” He grabbed the singlet from me, the plastic bag tore a little on the side because i was still holding on to it.
I went home,
I bought the same singlet from my mallam,
I come here today,
You give me singlet as vals gift.
not even wrapped,
i think to myself “this thing feels familiar in my hands”
i look to the side of the plastic wrapping
its torn at the same spot,
You’re here swearing up and down that you put some thought into the gift
Far be it from me to say that you are lying
you are always right.
Happy wife happy life.
Thank you o
A wise woman once said, and i quote, “Dont think Sex is what keeps a man, He can get it from a prostitute… probably coupled with venereal diseases (but thats not todays story), Dont think Food is what keeps a man, He can get it from a restaurant….., What keeps a man is RESPECT, Respect your man and watch him treat you like a queen”
Ok yes some men take the whole respect thing out of proportion sha… but still….
Telling me you’re giving me sex as a vals gift is disrespect on the highest level…. I think….
JUST DONT DO IT.
These are the basic things Nigerian men feel they get from women on Valentines day (Yes, I did the research…. No i dont have the proof… stop asking me questions)
WHAT TO GET HIM FOR VALENTINES
Seeing as im a guy,….
I dont see any harm in getting your boyfriend a Mercedes G63 AMG 6×6 stretched to accommodate a pickup bed and six wheels, all of which are driven by the awesome direct-injected, 5.5-liter twin-turbo V-8 that resides under the hood. Just as in the same-old, boring, four-wheeled G63 AMG, the 6×6 makes 544 horsepower and generates 560 lb-ft of torque. Its mill is mated to a seven-speed automatic transmission, and it manages to move the four-ton-plus behemoth with considerable authority. AMG claims that the sprint from standstill to 60 mph takes around seven seconds, and the truck can top 100 mph. Forty percent of the torque is sent to the middle axle, while the front- and the rear axle each receive 30 percent. The tire pressure can even be adjusted with a built-in air compressor, which is useful when driving on different terrains.
YOU CANT EVEN GO WRONG WITH THIS.
Am i right fellas?