ABIKU


Im-At-The-ATM

It’s a scary story for some and for some it’s just plain frustrating. I can’t begin to tell you how annoying it is to me anytime I have to use “Abiku”. Wait, I should have started from the beginning.

My name is Johnson Everyman and I work for a multinational development agency. I totally love working here not really about the amount of work that needs to be done, but because of the amazing people I get to work with.
Just like in every other office, here we also have the Steamrollers, Lemmings, The Professors, Jabber-Walkers, and definitely the-perfectly-suited-for-you individuals. Today is not the day in which I shall go into describing all these characters and i agree that 90% of the categories I mentioned are negative but what can I say? They do exist.

Moving on….

Owing to the nature of work and the size of the organization in which I work, one of the old generation banks decided (out of their freewill, marketing goals and willingness to please their customers) to install an ATM machine somewhere in the building.
I remember the first day the machine was installed, It was joy all over the complex, there was rejoicing, people sang and jumped for joy, some ladies wept, some people were so overcome with emotion that they ordered champagne and bottles were popped. It was a joyous day. I cant begin to tell you how I felt personally about this new development.
The closest ATM machine at the time was some streets away and it was considered a long walk seeing as there’s always so much work to do here. People usually just waited till the end of the day to do their bank transactions and hope that by the time they get to the ATM machine it wouldn’t read “Out of Service”.
It was dark times back then, really dark times.
I remember this particular day, I closed late from work and started the long and arduous walk down to the ATM machine, on this blessed day, my car had refused to work so I had left it at home. I had called the mechanic Ade to go to the house and do the necessary repairs which he had done. Ade had called me earlier to come back home with his money seeing as he spent the whole day at my house fixing my car so I had to (by all means) get some money for Ade.
I walked down the dark street that housed the machine only to get there and it was out of service. I remember clearly sitting on the floor thinking of where to get money to go home and to give Ade. To cut a long story short, I had to walk back to the office, did an offering collection for the security guards. The good ol’ chaps emptied their pockets and I had just enough. I obviously went to the bank early in the morning then paid back their monies with interest.

Moving on……

The ATM machine installed in the office was a beauty to behold, it was covered in bright colours and was an eye catcher, it played beautiful songs and dispensed only mint-condition (freshly printed) notes, it gave you a receipt for every transaction and all was well with the world. In fact, after your transaction, the machine would thank you and wish you a lovely day.

The case is not the same today. Abiku (as it’s generally called by the staff and visitors to my organisation) has become a nightmare. She just sits there dispensing to whomever she feels like, most times she doesn’t even dispense at all. The bank had to employ someone specifically to show up at our organisation every day to service Abiku but this has not helped matters. Abiku has become a terror to our organisation. Sometimes she allows you go through the process of inputting your PIN and requesting cash before she shuts down and says she’s out of service, sometimes I think there’s also a problem with the voice function on the machine because some of the words are now slurred and they sound like insults. Abiku steals money from almost everybody these days, you try to withdraw twenty thousand and she gives you ten, the other ten goes to her pocket (I still don’t know how she does it). This is very frustrating because it takes the bank up to 7days sometimes to refund your money.

Reports have come in that sometimes when you pass by Abiku, she hisses and spits. Other reports say she has become really touchy and hates to be touched by anyone. She is allergic to people, she is allergic to beef (don’t even ask me), She is allergic to people wearing glasses, she’s short tempered and has a really short fuse.

If you think that is not bad enough, the other day, Abiku shot me in the arm………….

 

(pls feel free to drop comments and read some of my older posts….. 🙂 )

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