The Heist


Some people tell me I’m an Obsessive compulsive person, well I am not. Don’t even dare.
So what I like keeping things in a particular order, I don’t actually like disorderly people and my friends actually share the same feelings as I do.
Seriously we are not Obsessively Compulsive abeg,
Fine so yea we don’t have jobs, well the economy is taking its toll on us.
we attempted starting our own dry cleaning business… well it worked for a month. Apparently our 3 customers had problems with us delivering clothes late. (Well we will deliver it late because we need to make sure everything is in order. no spots… no wrinkles, the other time Fred tried to deliver some shirts to a client who had been bugging to bring his clothes back as we had held them for two weeks already. Well, Fred took the clothes there and he was bringing the clothes out of the car, they folded a bit and the nylon bag had a little tear, thereby allowing air into the delivery pack….air carries dust… you know the process… anyway we had to dry clean the whole set again. This doesn’t mean we are obsessively compulsive.

Anyway we had been out of work for quite a while, and Thomas came up with the plan to Rob a bank, Fred instantly took up the idea, James loved it and I had no choice but to follow the gang. We planned the robbery for 13 months, worked out every single detail to the letter. And then came the execution day.. we rushed into the bank with our guns in the air

“EVERYBODY PUT YOUR HANDS UP, this is a stick up… when I say up I mean like 90degrees not bending a bit, it has to be straight up”
People started screaming while they put their hands up.

“SHUT UP all of you, infact, use your right hand….not your left, to cover your mouth. I SAID RIGHT HAND”

“you know what, everybody do it like this young man is doing it” I said, pointing to a young man in his 30’s

“you see how his hand is upright, and he’s using his right hand? Exactly, that’s what I want”

Meanwhile, Thomas was at the counter screaming at the cashiers

“Now put all the money in the bag, but wait, arrange them neatly, stacks of 1000, 500, 200’s and 100’s. The 1000’s in this bag and so on… any dirty money you see should be thrown away HURRY UP”

Fred was already over the counter barking orders at the manager

“OMG arrange your desk, stack your papers right…. This place is dusty, you know what… all of your behind the counter (except the cashiers) put your hands down and get some brooms, we are going to clean this place, HOW THE HELL CAN YOU WORK IN SUCH AND ENVIRONMENT”

Well, yes we got caught… but the manager didn’t press charges…. He actually hired us without pay for 6months to manage the sanitation of the bank….. you don’t believe it shey?…. typically Nigerian…

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