My friend Udeme


My friend Udeme is a very great man, 

you dont understand… i say again… my friend Udeme is a very great man.

all i have learnt from Udeme has shapened me into the man i am today

No teacher could teach me all that my friend Udeme taught me

i remember in JSS3, we were on mid term break and all of us had carried our little bags and were heading home for the holiday. 
seeing as we knew before hand that our parents were not coming to pick us up, we all hopped into a public bus heading to lagos.

When i say WE, i mean,

Bobby: The ginger master Bobby would be the first person to instigate a violent idea or random act, but the same bobby would never be found when it was time to implement it. 
I remember once when hunger wanted to rape us, we decided to go steal garri from the school kitchen, Bobby was jumping everywhere, saying it can be done, he even drew a map on the sand on how we would stick out hands through the window to tear the garri bag and remove the garri, he even gave an accurate measurement of the hand vent in the burglar defence system attached to the gate… This cat had it all figured out, the time the store keeper goes to bed, the time the cooks retire for the night, the time they wake up, the routine of all the prefects that stayed close to the kitchen, Look… bobby was a genius.
Anyway we had decided to carry out our robbery on a friday night by 9:30pm, as the plan made it apparent that it was the best day and time to commit this crime. But lo and behold, by 7pm NOBODY COULD FIND BOBBY. We never saw bobby till the next day. He had a very interesting excuse… something about being admitted in the clinic overnight for his gastrieties and all… oh well)

Then there was OKUDO:

This cat right here was comic relief. ok like there was this day we all got caught dodging prep, we were all in the hostel in a very quiet corner, chilling basically and and then there was a flashlight from the room entrance. apparently it was the hostel prefect coming to check for stowaways, next thing i saw was okudo on the floor, and Bobby screaming “HURRY UP!! HURRY UP!!” The prefect shouted on top of his voice “ALL THOSE BOYS THERE LIE DOWN NOW”, I went flat on the floor, only for bobby to carry okudo on his shoulder and started heading out towards the prefect with haste.
“whats happening here, I told you to lie down” the prefect boomed (i really want to describe this guy… but i wont)
“Pls Senior, he just fainted. He has been sick and we came to stay with him in the hostel but just before you came in, he fainted so im rushing him to the clinic” Okudo said with so much haste in his voice. 
“What? Are you mad? how will you keep someone that is sick in the hostel…”the prefect screamed and whipped okudo off bobbys shoulders, planting him on his own shoulders and rushing off to the clinic.

Through all this, okudo was still…. but when the was slung over the shoulder of the prefect, with us running behind him, The Idiot started making stupid faces…. Imagine you running behind a prefect and holding back laughter… that fool almost got us killed…. idiot ikorewa

Then finally was my friend Udeme:

I dont know anybody in the world who can tell a lie with a straight face better than this guy. Once udeme told us, his fathers 504 was involved in a head on collision with a Molue… according to Udeme, His fathers 504 was not scratched, but the molue was written off… infact people died… according to him o. HIAN.
the other time, Okudo told us they had an underground swimming pool in their house… and sometimes the swimming pool could be converted to a dance floor. 
look im not even going into details about my friend Udeme.

Well back to my story.
On this faithful day as we headed off to lagos, Okudo was cracking jokes as usual, and this was after Bobby had conned the driver into collecting half the car fare from us because we were stranded students and school was empty (according to his story) As we journeyed towards lagos, We passed a Lexus jeep, Honestly as at then, this was the most amazing jeep i think i knew. as the jeep sped past us, Udeme ducked so suddenly, all of us were startled. Only for him to look up again very subtly and said
“you guys that was my father in the jeep … did he see me?”
 

To be continued………

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