It’s Wednesday just three days after the fuel subsidy was removed and I sat in bed at home reluctant to add value to my life. What difference would it make anyway? I haven’t resumed work, i have run out of money due to the excessive spending I did over the Christmas holiday and some idiot came and stole all my shoes and slippers on Christmas day so even if I wanted to go out I had nothing to wear on my feet. I had been stuck at home for over a week since the shoe stealing incident and I was beginning to see life as a boring farce. On new year’s day everybody went to church to do the traditional new year ….things…umm…. watch night service and all while I stayed indoors reflecting on the reason why I don’t celebrate new years..
Digression: This is why I do not spend new years. Who invented the calendar?? Ehh?? Im asking you?? No not the guy walking behind you…. I mean you that is reading this blog post… don’t even bother going to Google because….. don’t just go to google. Let me just tell you. Whoever invented the calendar has been dead for years and you all feel its okay to follow his structure of things? NO I don’t. why should I follow his lifestyle? What if he was a criminal? And he made that calendar just to rob somewhere on the 1st of every month?? Heh?? Did you think about that?? Im sure you didn’t… you just followed the man… follow follow… if the man said you should follow him and cut off your arm you will follow shey?? OOOO answer me now?? You cant answer again shey?? Rat don chop your tongue… mschew.
Anyway, I personally have my own calendar. There are 3months in my year and each month has 120 days. So we have FISTOMONTO, DEUMONTO,and TREMONTO. And as you may have guessed YES.. today is the 6th day of fistomonto 0001. Back to my story.
Anyway, so its Wednesday and I’m just lazing around on my bed when I get a phone call from a girl. Just a girl…. I have known her for about a year… she sells food to me in school and I crack jokes at her while I eat sometimes. Anyway, the following dialogue takes place.
“scratch, how you dey now?”
“im just chilling o… nothing much”
“abeg scratch come send me money for Hair…..”
“HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA OMG ROTFLMAO….”
“ah ah scratch…”
“wait im not done… HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA”
“but scratch its just 4k”
“OMG LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA LORD GOD PLEASE DON’T LET LAUGHTER KILL ME TODAY… MAY BE WHEN IM 90 but but not now HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA”
“scratch you dey fuck up abeg”
“idiot, fool because I dey ask you for common 4k”
“anytime dear looool”
“Idiot bastard….Stingy fool”
“Ok blame Fuel subsidy removal”
“all of you men since yesterday na the stupid excuse wey una dey give me, fuel subsidy fuel subsidy, abeg una just dey fucked up”
“Oh so its not just me you have asked? You have many other options…and they gave u the same answer? Allah be praised.. one nigeria”
“abeg shut up jo just get out abeg don’t ever call me again”
“OK bye dear… Call me when you have fuel.”
Click….. contacts…. Scroll…. Are you sure you want to delete this contact?…. contact deleted.