Its was a really stressful day i swear it,
I and my boss had this really awesome quarrel that day and he told me straight up
“look Ceejay or whatever it is you call yourself, i know you are a very forward person, so if you decide you cannot continue working under these conditions, you have to give the company a 2weeks notice before you quit”
i looked him in the eye and told him
“look sir, heres your two week notice: two weeks from now you will notice i havent been at work for two weeks. Hope that works for you?”
ok lets stop decieving ourselves. yes it was a dream…. i was sleeping in the toilet, I learnt this habit from my ex girlfriend who apparently I still have feelings for, we were shameless about things like this…quick 15mins naps in the toilet, asking for more food in a wedding reception, begging for free rides, trekking home when we don’t get free rides with our bare feet and our shoes in our hands, (there was this freedom about my life when I was dating that particular girl… we never really did this stuff together though but we always talked about it and sometimes did them in our random hours…. Distance is a bitch sha…. *shrugs*
Anyway its the close of work that Tuesday and I was heading home worried about how I was going to fuel my car since I had just 500bucks left in my pocket. I had partied away everything I had at jades party last month and the hole in my pocket was staring me in the face.So the master plan was to rough out the whole month till salaries came in which was still 4weeks away… these were dark times in my life…. Really dark times… apparently I couldn’t even see them, they were dark like a really black man, (ghanian or Kenyan… or some Nigerians) standing infront of a black wall in the middle of a moonless night. *shrugs* whatever, Hustlers dont die, Hustlers multiply.
I need to get back to the main aim of this story before I get to 3 pages and find out that I haven’t even said the real reason why I am writing this…. I can sha digress sha… my sister keeps calling me the king of digression… its just like that one time when during morning prayers my dad read out a scripture about jonah and spent the next 1hour giving a speech. Apparently his text from jonah ended up in a speech about how the economic situation of the world is running down and how the world is coming to an end. YES I know right? All these and more were revealed to JONAH in the belly of the FISH. SHIT…..i digressed again….im sorry
Ok so I was driving my kpakororo Honda civic home with 500naira in my pocket on this cold December evening in abuja when there was a loud bang in under my bonnet. I was on top speed but thank God the roads were not too crowded so I just navigated my way to a corner of the road and parked. Feeling like a mechanic now (which every regular guy would do) I popped the hood and took a look inside. Yep, the same set of machines and wires and all that blah, same set of things in there as when I did the routine check for water in the morning. Only God knows how people can know all the names of every wire and gadget in their cars.
Apparently I know absolutely nothing about how a car works so I call my mechanic who I always have on standby.
“Morufu, this your car has spoilt again o, where are you? I need you to come pick it up.” I yelled into the phone
“ah oga, I don close for work ni o, I yav reach house” he replied. Sometimes I rather he just spoke to me in Yoruba. Its easier for me to know I totally don’t understand a word he is saying than having me rack my brain putting the jigsaw puzzle of his words together to form a sentence.
“I cannot leave this car here now, just come with a car or something lets tow it out of here, Don’t worry I go settle you” I replied
“ah Oga, I have hear, which side you dey?” he asked
“im on ahmadu bello way, just at the side of the road, how long will it take you to get here?” I asked
“I don see you oga, I dey your back” he replied and true enough he was on the other side of the road.
I really do not know how to explain the car morufu was driving. Yes I agree as a mechanic you should be good with your hands and very innovative and all, but when you are driving a car that has a Volkswagen boot, a Mercedes trunk, and a collection of doors from 4 different Japanese cars, I do not see you as a mechanic anymore, I begin to see you more as a circus act or something in that line.
Cutting the long story short, morufu pops my hood, and brings out a fan belt,
“oga na your fan belt she don cut ni o” he said
“ok no problem just tow the car to your shop and fix in a fan belt for me, ill pay you tomorrow” I replied (how I would pay…. No idea)
* * * * * * * *
I would like to write some more but I have sooo much work to do so ill just cut the long story short
8AM: I get a call from morufu, apparently the fan belt had damaged my caburettor… Oh yes its possible… (explanations… more explanations… too many jigsaw puzzles… I have no idea what this man is saying)
ME: morufu how much o…
MORUFU: 4000naira sir, everytin everytin
ME: SHIT… ok do it bring it to my office o
Morufu: ahh oga that fan belt she don damage the fuel injection and brake system for your car
ME: What the hell? Everything was fine, don’t even give me that nonsense, how the hell can a belt damage the brake system
MORUFU: oga this your car she na automatic o, every every dey connect every every. If you see……. (more explanations… more jigsaws…HEADACHE”
ME: Ok morufu how much o
MORUFU: 8000naira sir, I go do am well well for you
ME: Ok can I get the car today?
MORUFU: Yes sir, I go bring am
MORUFU: Sir that your fan belt…. She don burst one tyre for your car……………..