death in Bflat major


I stood behind one cute blond lastweek Sunday at the bank, waiting to cash my deposit. …….(Yes I know everything is wrong with that first line but must you sha be too forward? There must have been a reason for it….well theres none sha….just felt like writing that….anyway back to the story),

It was around 11:32am and I just needed to make a withdrawal to buy groceries before the working week commenced the next day, I hate my job, it takes me out of reality for basically 20hours of the day, even when I am not in the office, I am working. Its so annoying, and the bad part is that the pay is just depressing. You see this is why a lot of Bosses get (killed/murdered/lynched/maimed), whichever word suits your reading pleasure please pick from the above options. Anyway I am just there standing in line when this blonde walks up to me

“are you the last in line?” she asks

“yea, but you can go on before me if you are in more of a hurry than I am”

Yes I know I am a sucker for blondes, they just have this……blondy thing about them…. So I pick up light conversation with this pretty girl talking about her school, her social life, her finances, her parents, her bra size, her love life……well apparently you can see where my conversation was headed, but she didn’t mind, infact she was kind of nice.
(yes I know you are wondering where the story gets interesting and this is it….)
All of a sudden a man runs into the building screaming “ALLAHU AKBAR!!!”, This dude is dressed in a hoodie and jeans and has his hand on a remote detonator, and everybody screams …..the guys screaming in bass “JESUS JESUS SAVE ME” the ladies screaming in treble “OH MY GOD….OH MY GOD….SOMEBODY DO SOMETHING”, I stand there smiling to myself thinking “ohh this has to be good” The anonymous suicide bomber locks the bank doors with a pad lock and screams ontop of his voice

“allahu akbar…..you infidels, prepare to meet your MAKERRRRRRRR” “AAAAHHHHHHHHH” we all scream ontop of our voices, hugging ourselves and people praying in different languages, muslims calling on Jesus, Christians calling on IFA, it was chaos.

“BUT…..” he continued, while inching slowly to the rear wall “I have to charge the bomb a bit cos you see it is a battery powered bomb, I couldn’t purchase the stand alone ignite part anywhere so I had to go for the electrically powered explosion. So you guys would just have to give me a few mins to charge this little baby here so it can go KABOOM and what do you know? We all in heaven with 72 virgins. You like that right?? Huh?? Right?”

(at this point you would expect that the story will end all we would just kill the nigga…but then the story is not long enough so I have to continue it)

“YESSSSS” we all screamed in chorus, trembling at the knees.

“Good” he replied as he plugged his chest bomb to the socket on the wall and stood there staring at all of us with a stare so intense that we were all mystified at the awesomeness of his stare………. Who the hell am I kidding…..this story cant go any further,…..WE MOBBED THE NIGGA.

The end

(p.s. who goes to a suicide bombing with an electrical powered bomb? Plus even if you did, why didn’t you charge it at home before coming? Smart fool….smh….)
p.p.s please am looking for my HB pencil….if you took it please return it….thanks…..i kinda like that particular one….you know the one im talking about since you stole it….THIEF

 

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